It's not that I've never realized that I have certain issues and or problems, it's just that I don't have a "outlet" so to speak. Don't get me wrong I have my lovely Honey, and about 2 good friends that I can share just about anything with, but besides GOD, it's just me.
I started my blog because after I seen my 1st plus size fashion blog ever, it was just an natural feeling for me to do likewise. Not that my mind doesn't expand, but I didn't even think stuff like this exist. To be perfectly honest, blogging has changed my life. Yeah, it's that deep.
To be inspired by so many beautiful women who have showed me that BEAUTY comes in all shapes and sizes, has been a big deal to me. Don't get me wrong, I do think highly of myself and how I look, and I'm not throwing a pity party because I'M FAT ♥..I'm just saying, something has got to give.
Things that I ponder include;
-I'm bi-polar; I don't really think I can help it though. I don't know if it's just my personality, but I don't like it.
-I'm not 100% sure about my career path. At times, I am, and I'm soooo excited that I can't sleep, then other times it's me questioning God about what i'm suppose to do with this life of mine.
-Insecurites has began to come, little by little, but they're there. Sometimes I'm scared to sit in a chair or on a bed because I don't wanna break it. I try to wear 3/4 length sleeves so ppl can't see my arms (this just happened..like overnight). I never wear shorts
- I love my Honey with my all, and I wouldn't mind spending a lot of my life with him, but that's not the same as spending your life with someone. I guess i'm scared of saying "I DO", then coming across problems in the future or falling out of love. He is the greatest and i'm soooo in love with him, but is this what I really want?
-Why can't I push myself more or find the motivation to do the right things and go down the right path to be more healthy? It's really all I think about. I often dream about it to, the day that i'm tons of pounds lighter and not worrying about buying something because it's too clingy.
I'm sorry my thoughts are all over the place, and I don't really care if anyone reads this (this is probably the most i've talked on my entire blog..LOL) this was just a vent session for me, and now I feel a little better..IDK...Have Blessed evenings everyone!
F.Y.I....I cried the entire time I wrote this..just thought I would share.
Below: Took this pics when I went to my baby sister Dalice's induction into the National Junior Honor Society. Enjoy!
Dress: Avenue
Shoes: K-Mart
Belt: Dots
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| My baby sister Dalice. I dressed her and did her makeup, not to much, she's only 12!! |
Oh honey I feel you! Before I started blogging, I thought I was fin. But ya know, all of these feelings crept up on me, and I couldn't run from them anymore. That's why I believe if you have a blog, you're going to have to face your issues, because they will be in your face. So myself out, but the best thing to do is take you're not alone. I'm still trying to figure one day at a time.
ReplyDeleteAnd you look gorgeous! Love your belt! Your baby sis is adorable! :D
x
Whoa, ok I don't know why blogger screwed up my comment but here's the real version :
ReplyDeleteOh honey I feel you! Before I started blogging, I thought I was fine. But ya know, all of these feelings crept up on me, and I couldn't run from them anymore. That's why I believe if you have a blog, you're going to have to face your issues, because they will be in your face. And I'm still trying to figure myself out, so you're not alone. But the best thing to do is to take one day at a time.
x
I think it's normal to feel this way mamacita! We're young and afraid of the future that's meant for us! Hell, I know I am! Blogging changed my life too! I love it so much and thank you for being an active follower. I love it! Keep a positive mind and it will give you positive results =)
ReplyDeleteAlso your outfit is hot stuff. I loooove!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug right now. Though I may not understand exactly what you go through daily, I know how it feels to be so deep in emotions you could drown in them. It takes a lot to share your feelings with people on a blog so I commend you for that. You never know how your honesty may help someone else to face their own demons. I think it takes a lot to admit that everything isn't roses in our lives and that we do have hang-ups and that we don't have all the answers to our lives or anyone else's for that matter. There has been a couple of times that I have shared my frustrations on my blog simply because I felt like I had no one to share with or no one to vent to at all. My blog helped to be an outlet and people actually have responded to my madness. It helps you to realize that you are never alone and there is always someone out there in a similar disposition. So I wish you many blessings and well wishes sweetie and I hope you get to feeling better soon. You are in my thoughts and prayers :)
ReplyDeletexo,
Dre
PS-I'm going thrifting and craft-store shopping for an Ursula inspired look of my own after holiday!
Hey chica! I feel you on all of that! You look AMAZING though and I've given you an award over at my blog! COme check it out when you get a chance!
ReplyDeleteYou ladies do not know how much that meant to me!! Sometimes you just need somebody to reach out and give you a hug (Mrs. Dre!!) and I honestly feel so much better now. I feel all the virtual love from my blogging pals and it means sooooo much to me!! You guys are really a blessing in disquise!! I've prayed about it and now i'm DONE with it...taking it one day and step at a time!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!! lol..i'm such an emotional virgo..
ReplyDeleteI looove that belt. you look super cute
ReplyDelete